Alone in the Night
by IceWing
Summary: After being abandoned by the rest of the Scooby Gang, a Slayerette wants to make the pain stop.


Alone in the Night

Alone in the Night

By IceWing (icewing@one.net)

A gentle breeze caressed the land as the moon shone down on the sleeping town of SunnyDale. The citizens lay asleep, behind bolted doors and unseeing eyes, oblivious to that which occurred in their town. Not wanting to look with open eyes and see the horrors which were so abundant in their community.

A silent figure looked down at the gently flowing water which passed under the decorative bridge on which he sat. It had once been a thing of beauty, on a now abandoned estate on the outskirts of town. Now, it's polished stones and woven ivy lattice work was dark, overgrown and slowly rotting. A small part of his mind wondered how an estate on the California coastline could ever manage to fall into a state of disrepair. 

But it didn't matter. Like everything else in this town, no matter how beautiful something was once, no matter how good, it would eventually crumble and fall to the darkness.

There were times that he wondered how it could come to this. How things could end up this way. After high school, things had gotten worse, then better, then far worse. Such was life he supposed, but that didn't really do too much to make it any easier. After fighting against the ever strengthening forces of darkness, the battle, his battle was over. He was through. And whatever reason he had once had to straighten his back, throw back his shoulders and leap once more into the fray, whatever that reason was, was gone.

He reached into his coat, pulling out an Army Issue Colt .45 pistol. Rather fitting that it would end like this, he thought. Without a word, he looked over the bridge once more. He doubted that anyone would be up this way for at least a month. Appropriate. No one would notice anyway. His friends had left him. One by one they had left him. And now he was alone. It wasn't the first time he had been abandoned, left by himself by the group. But this was the most serious time, and he knew they would never again be there for him if he needed them. His heart was empty, dead inside. The women he had loved, one as a sister, one as a kindred spirit and one as his soulmate. The man he looked to as a father. All were gone. All his fault. 

Silently he worked the action, resting a hollow point 45 cartridge against the recessed firing pin. A silent tear slid down his face as he wordlessly begged for forgiveness for his failures. 

The fog was rolling in as he slid his finger into the trigger guard and lay the cold steel of the barrel against the base of his skull. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but in a moment, it wouldn't matter anymore. 

As he slowly took up the pressure on the trigger, the fog began to darken and approach him. A soft voice spoke. "Xander. Please stop. Put the gun down."

He turned and looked at the form as it stepped into the dim moonlight. "Buffy. Please, go away. I don't want anyone, especially you, to see this." His finger was still pressing against the trigger, but the gun was now shaking slightly.

"Xander. Please. Don't do this." Buffy begged of him as she stepped closer.

"Don't you see. I failed all of you. You and Faith. Giles, Willow and Oz. Even Angel. I screwed up and you all left. I just can't do it anymore Buffy. Please. Just leave me alone. I don't deserve to be here. I messed up, you caught the flak and now you never talk to me. I miss all of you. I just want my friends back Buffy. Is that too much to ask? After all I did for good, why do these things keep happening to me? Why did I have to watch as all my friends left me, one by one. I can't do it Buffy. I'm not strong enough to make it without my friends. You guys are everything to me, and knowing that I failed you and watching you all leave. I just don't want to go on." He closed his eyes, trying to mask the tears which were welling up in them. The gun was shaking now to the point that there was little chance of it going where Xander had wanted. "I never got to tell you that I still love you and that I want to marry you Buffy." The gun fell away from his fingers, hitting the rotting rail before splashing into the shallow water.

"Xander, I know that you love me. But you and I, there is no way we can be together now… You have to accept that and allow yourself to move past me. You can make new friends…"

"I don't WANT new friends!" screamed Xander. "I want my old friends back. I want to hear Willow talking about something I have no clue about. I want to poke fun at dead boy. I want to frustrate Giles and make him clean his glasses three times in a minute. I don't want to move on, Buffy! I want my old life back. I want things how they were!"

He dropped his head into his hands and began crying. A soft touch on his shoulder turned into an embrace which he lost himself in for a few precious seconds. After a moment, he composed himself. "I'm sorry I lost it Buffy. It won't happen again. And for what its worth, I'm sorry I failed you."

"You didn't fail me Xander. You didn't fail anyone. You did your best and in the end, had you not been there, it would have been even worse. You came through and you're the only one who cannot see that." She looked down at the gun, barely visible through the water. "Please tell me you'll get some help Xander. I won't be able to show up like this again next time. You have to decide that you want to live. Please Xander. I'm begging you. For me? Live."

Xander swallowed, looked down at the gun and then up at the woman he considered his soulmate. "I'll try. But Buffy, its so hard to do it without you guys. But for you, I'll try."

"Thanks Xander. I know you will. Now, get home and get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning." Then she leaned and kissed him ever so tenderly on the lips. He felt his soul melt and in that instant, he knew things would indeed get better. It wouldn't be easy, but he'd manage. 

"I have to go now," she said softly. 

"I know you do Buffy. I wish things could have worked out for us."

"So do I, Xander. I wish I could be with you now. But for now, its not meant to be. Do what you have to and I'll be waiting for you when its time."

"I'll miss you Buffy. You've always been my angel."

"I still am…" She smiled sadly. "But right now you have to handle things on your own. Just remember that I love you and I always will." With that she turned and began walking into the fog. As she vanished, he could still hear her words echoing, whispering her love. 

He stood there in silence for a while, looking at the outline of the pistol and then out over the sea. He would try. Because she had asked him to. And because he finally knew that she loved him as much as he loved her. 

Silently, he turned around and began to walk back to his apartment. An hour later, he was just entering the outlying area of the actual town. 'Might as well short cut through the cemetery, its almost dawn.'

As he walked, he found himself heading towards an out of the way corner of the graveyard. The first rays of light could be seen at the tops of the trees as he found what he was looking for. Sitting down on a bench, the tears began again as he took in the sculpted monument in front of him. Six figures, almost back to back, stood facing outwards from the center point. An empty position filled what would be the seventh section of the circle. In front of each of the six statues lay a simple headstone and a grave, now slowly leaving a recess in the earth, as water sealed the soil back to its shape from before it was disturbed. Getting up, he began to make his way around the monument. As he passed in front of each monument, he recited the name of the hero whose remains lay underneath, burning them even deeper into his soul, making sure that the Darkness they fought against, up to the end, would never make their sacrifice be in vain. 

Giles.

Angel.

Oz.

Willow.

Faith.

He silently passed the missing segment, knowing someday it would be filled and the seventh statue would be erected, per the Council's orders.

He stopped in front of the seventh stone, falling to his knees. "For you Buffy. I'll do my best to make sure that nobody else in this world has to watch their friends die in front of them. Or have the person who they love die in their arms. For you Buffy. I love you."

As he rose to his feet and walked away, the sun broke over the hills and fell on the memorial. It shone brightly in the morning rays. The six statues, guarding each other and silently waiting for the day when their friend, who had avenged them and saved countless innocents on that bloody day, would fight the good fight but still fall in the Eternal War against the darkness. And then, together once more, friends and loves, they would stand by each other, in death as they had in life.

The End… Or Perhaps its The beginning.. Because every new beginning is some other beginnings end… 


End file.
